


Crisis On Finite Earths

by markymark261



Category: DC Superheroes, Mad
Genre: Drama, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-04
Updated: 2003-03-04
Packaged: 2017-10-21 09:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markymark261/pseuds/markymark261
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: All the character herein are owned by Warner Brothers.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Kill The Worlds

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All the character herein are owned by Warner Brothers.

Chapter One - Kill The Worlds (Let Them Know It's Crisis Time)

It all ended in June 1955. Worlds had died, and, on the one world that survived, nothing was the same ever again.

If only it hadn't happened.

If only I could turn back the clock.

If only I could have warned the so-called superheroes in time. The Bat. The Alien. The Amazon. Maybe they could have done something about it.

If ... but there's no point in thinking "If". That's how all of this began in the first place. That's the word that unleashed my latent powers. The power to shape worlds, the power to destroy them.

It all began in a world of war. It began with a death. Just one person's death, but it made me question things ... all things. Eventually I had to wonder, what if this world didn't exist.

And it didn't. Just like that, it was gone.

I'd destroyed my first world.

There were other worlds. A world of horror, a world of wonders. They didn't last long. Finally, I was left in my final world, a world gone mad.

It felt like home.


	2. How I learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Crisis

Chapter Two - How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Crisis

I had the power to destroy worlds. I didn't think I'd be able to stop myself, so I had to find somebody who could. A chance meeting with a guy called Wheezy in a bar led me to my first superhero. He was being held in a specially made cooler, but having infinite reality-altering powers this didn't cause me any problems.

"Call me Plas." he said, as I released him from his captivity.

I told Plas my story. How I was tired of the war, ragged from the science-fiction, weary of the horror. As I told him about my worlds, and he told me about his, a few new thoughts came into my head. Perhaps I could customise this world to my liking. Sure it would mean some destruction, but nothing out of the ordinary. For the first time in a long time, I stopped worrying and started smiling. I never stopped smiling thereafter.

As I carried on talking to Plas, telling him my plans, he became more and more silent.

Finally I let him go. "Warn the others." I told him, as he bounded through the door. Of course I couldn't resist standing on one of his feet. I just wanted to see how far he'd stretch.

While Plas was on his way I thought it was time to start my redesigning. This place was just too colorful. Maybe I'd start with the sky and work my way down.

* * *

Lois finally knew Clark's secret but she still wouldn't give him the time of day. As he looked at her from across the newspaper office, his attention was suddenly drawn to the sky outside. It was changing from blue to grey. This looked like a job for Super... No, his powers wouldn't be enough, somehow he knew he'd need the rest of the Society's help.

* * *

Steve pulled Diana away from her ironing and pointed to the sky outside. "It looks like you'll need to dig out your costume again, honey." Steve said resignedly.

* * *

The white sun slowly set in the black sky. Slowly he awoke and looked out at the night sky, which was no longer the dark blue he'd become accustomed to. Time to don the bat costume once more, he thought.

Ten minutes later he entered the Society headquarters. Somehow, he'd been drawn there. He looked at Supes and WW and, there, sitting at the back, the Red Tomato. Nobody seemed to know what was going on, but everybody had a strange feeling that there was a traitor amongst them.


	3. Panic

Chapter Three - Panic

"He's coming!" Plas screamed as he rushed through the streets. His left leg stretched for miles behind him, and he had to use his three other limbs to propel himself forwards. Finally his left leg would stretch no more and he had to stretch the rest of his body from the waist up. Now he could only use his arms to move forwards. There was panic on the streets and people kept getting in his way. He had to dodge around them, leaving them entangled in his body behind him.

People rushed up to him, asking him for information, but he just didn't have the time.

"How do I escape." asked a short guy with a long nose and glasses. "There's got to be a way. There's always a way."

"You can't." Plas said mournfully. "Not this time."

"But Joe and Ed. They said they could escape. They said they were going back to the future." said the small guy, pulling his hair out.

"I'm sorry. It's all over. He's coming." Plas said, and then moved on. He had to reach the Society. The alien, the amazon, the bat - he dreamed of fighting alongside them in a team but doubted that day would ever come. But still, he could warn them. Maybe they could do something. Maybe.

"He's coming!" he kept shouting until his voice was hoarse. He was stretched as far as he'd ever been stretched, further even, but he had to keep going.

Finally, after what seemed like a long eternity, he reached the Society headquarters.

He knocked on the door with his nose (his hands were dug deep into the ground to prevent him recoiling backwards).

As the door was opened, he kept screaming "He's coming! HE'S COMING! He's going to mess it all up. The Anti-Janitor is coming. He's ..."

And at that moment the upper part of his body came flying through the door.

He'd finally snapped.


	4. National Lampoons' Permanent Vacation

Chapter Four - National Lampoons' Permanent Vacation

The Just A Society Of America's headquarters were covered in a long continuous strand of what looked like red wire. Suddenly the wire, which was the remains of Plastic Sam, started to speak.

"The Anti-Janitor's coming ... he's insane ... he's going to remove you all ..." was all he managed to get out before passing out. As he drifted into unconsciousness the thin strand of red wire slowly started to contract back into the upper part of Plastic Sam's body.

"There's no way he'll get past this door. Not even I could get through it." proclaimed Superduperman, putting on a brave face.

"And if he does, he'll have us to contend with." added Woman Wonder, with a ridiculously over-optimistic air.

Batboy watched silently, with aloof attachment. He wondered when his teammates would be going asleep - he was feeling thirsty.

* * *

I felt the recoiling lower-half of Plas hit my legs, and decided that standing on his foot any longer was unnecessary. It was time to meet the Society. They were the only ones who could stop me, but I'd planned ahead.

As I straightened my jacket and made my way along the panic-strewn streets towards the Society's headquarters I noticed a shadow overhead. The shadow swiftly got bigger, and then I had a large cube of carbon steel smashing me into the ground.

As I dusted myself off and got up I noticed a figure hovering above the carbon steel fragments that lay in front of me.

"I'll stop you, monster!" said Captain Marbles.

"No, I don't think so." I observed and flicked him into the stratosphere with my little finger.

I then proceeded to the Society headquarters and knocked on the door.

* * *

"He's here. We can't let him in." said Superduperman.

"I'm afraid I'll have to." said the Red Tomato in a semi-menacing fashion, flicking the door lock open.

"But why?" asked Woman Wonder.

"The Anti-Janitor's promised me a life in his new world. All I have to do is betray you." cackled the Tomato.

"But you're just a klutz." observed Plastic Sam, briefly regaining consciousness.

"But I'm not just an ordinary klutz." laughed the Tomato ripping his mask off. "I'm a furshlugginer Captain Klutz."

"That's my line." seethed Batboy.

At that moment I entered their headquarters and the world turned grey.


	5. Not Brand EC

Chapter Five - Not Brand EC

I stood there, looking at the superheroes, knowing that within minutes they'd all be gone.

At that moment a figure in a grey outfit zoomed in.

"Together we can defeat him, Superduperman." said Captain Marbles.

"Very well, but don't think this means that you'll get to join our Society" replied Superduperman.

Superduperman and Captain Marbles then simultaneously delivered their mightiest blow to my face, whilst Woman Wonder looked on and Batboy ran away.

To my surprise I fell over.

"We've got him worried now." yelled Woman Wonder, dancing around in cheerleader mode.

I got up, straightened my tie, and spat out a tooth that the joint blow had dislodged.

"What? Me worry?" I said smiling.

I clicked my fingers and a lightning bolt came out of the sky, through the door and struck a flying Captain Marbles setting him on fire. "Thought you'd be use to that by now." I said laughingly.

A flick of my finger knocked Superduperman into a wall, knocking it down. A further click of my fingers and the remains of the wall engulfed his form, as he swung his arms struggling to be free.

"And you." I said, turning towards Woman Wonder, "You can just disappear." I clicked my fingers again. "Now you'll match your plane."

As Woman Wonder slowly started to fade away she observed the carnage I'd wrought. A flying figure on fire, a stretched out superhero, a strong man covered in rocks, and her going invisible. "Surely this can't be the future." she exclaimed and then disappeared.

And that was how the old world ended. It had become black and white and I'd absorbed all the color.

I occasionally think of changing everything back, but you can't recapture the past. Some things are best left as memories.

THE END


	6. Author's Notes And Annotations

Author's Notes And Annotations

1\. Introduction

I hate to admit it, but it all started out with a bad fan fiction contest on a Justice Society Of America newsgroup. I was trying to come up with an unoriginal idea (this was a BAD fan fiction contest after all), and thought that I'd write a story where Forbush Man meets the original Red Tornado, based on the premise that their costumes bore a striking resemblance to each other. I was sure that I couldn't be the only one to have spotted this, and did a quick search of the web just to verify that my idea was as unoriginal as I hoped. Needless to say my idea was strikingly unoriginal and I produced a story from it (which has now, with a minimal number of tweaks, become my "The Ultimate Hero" story - apologies for the shameless plug). Being quite happy with the resulting story (and therefore worrying that I wouldn't win the contest), I was trying to think of another story that I could enter. I remembered that while I was searching the web I'd also been reminded that Mad's Captain Klutz's costume also resembled the original Red Tornado's. Whilst trying to work out the ways that Captain Klutz could feasibly encounter the original Red Tornado, I realized that the EC world already had its own set of superheroes I could use. I also realized that EC, like the DC of yore, had multiple worlds (war, horror, sci-fi, Mad) and these had got replace by just one world (Mad Magazine). Thus was the Crisis set in motion.

2\. Annotations

Crisis On Finite Earths - this is an obvious reference to Crisis On Infinite Earths, the Marv Wolfman/George Perez series that removed the DC multiverse.

Chapter One

Kill The Worlds (Let Them Know It's Crisis Time) - this is a pun on the UK Band Aid single Feed The World (Let Them Know It's Christmas Time). I came up with the pun when Crisis On Infinite Earths originally came out, but this is the first time I got to use it in print.

It all ended in June 1955 - The last issue of Mad Comic was dated May 1955, the first issue of Mad Magazine was dated July 1955. Needless to say that anything that comes across as copious research here was actually just me having a quick look at my Mad CD-ROMs.

Worlds had died, and, on the one world that survived, nothing was the same ever again - this story's partly a lament for EC comics. Their brilliant war, horror, and science fiction comics died. Only Mad survived, and that changed into Mad magazine (which I also love by the way).

The Bat. The Alien. The Amazon - When I first placed this story on the fan fiction site, I didn't mention that it had anything to do with EC comics, hoping that this would come as a nice surprise to people as realization dawned. That's why, in the earlier chapters, I go out of my way not to refer to the characters by their actual names (I call Plastic Sam just Plas, Superduperman Supes, Woman Wonder WW, etc. so that the reader will initially think they're the DC versions). Later, I realized that some people wouldn't have heard of EC comics so wouldn't appreciate the real DC heroes not actually being present in the story. Also, I realized that anyone who liked the Mad Comic's superheroes wouldn't necessarily realize that the story contained them, and so give it a miss. That's why I now give away the EC connection in the story description.

If ... but there's no point in thinking "If". That's how all of this began in the first place - I was trying to think of who I could use as the Pariah character (who featured in DC's Crisis) and thought of the main character in the EC war story 'Big If' (Frontline Combat issue 5). He bore a resemblance to Alfred E Neuman (brown hair and freckles), so I had him transform into Alfred over the course of the story. If you've read "Big If" you'll hopefully get the reference. If you haven't then you'll wonder why I'm using the word "if" all the time.

It all began in a world of war - a reference to EC's war comics.

A world of horror, a world of wonders - horror comics and science fiction comics respectively.

Finally, I was left in my final world, a world gone mad - Mad comic.

Chapter Two

How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Crisis - the title's based on Dr Strangelove's subtitle "How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb", and also a reference to Alfred E Neuman's catchphrase "What? Me Worry."

A chance meeting with a guy called Wheezy in a bar led me to my first superhero - Woozy Winks was called Wheezy Wunks in EC's Plastic Man parody "Plastic Sam".

He was being held in a specially made cooler - at the end of Mad's "Plastic Sam" story our hero's left imprisoned in a specially made cooler.

"tired of the war, ragged from the science-fiction, weary of the horror" - these words are taken verbatim from the introduction to the first issue of Mad issue 1.

I stopped worrying and started smiling. I never stopped smiling thereafter - these are references to Alfred E Neuman's "What? Me Worry" catchphrase and the fact that he's always shown smiling.

Lois finally knew Clark's secret but she still wouldn't give him the time of day - Lois Pain discovered Clark Bent was really Superduperman at the end of the "Superduperman" story.

It was changing from blue to grey - during DC's Crisis all the skies went red. Also, when the multiverse faded out all the final pages of that month's comics went to white. In the EC version I have Alfred E Neuman absorb all the world's color into himself, because Mad went from a color comic to a black and white magazine (with a colored cover featuring Alfred E Neuman).

Steve pulled Diana away from her ironing and pointed to the sky outside - at the end of "Woman Wonder" Steve Adore makes Diana Banana give up being Woman Wonder and spend all her time being a housewife instead.

Ten minutes later he entered the Society headquarters - there was no Justice Society equivalent in Mad comic, but seeing as how I came up with the idea for a JSA bad fan fiction contest I thought that I better make one up.

He looked at Supes and WW and, there, sitting at the back, the Red Tomato - the Red Tomato's another character I had to make up. She's just meant to be a Red Tornado parody. I originally had ideas to make up a whole JSA (There was Melvin Thunder who could call a thunderbolt if only he could find the right word. He'd be trying all the obvious Mad comic phrases - furshlugginer, potrzebie, domm da dom domm, and others that my spell checker can't cope with. Eventually he'd come across the right phrase and his thunderbolt would strike Captain Marbles setting him on fire, in a similar way to what finally occurs in the story. There was also Dr Fake, who'd be surrounded by smoke and mirrors and Dr Nite-Lite who could only see in the dark.). Fortunately, I realized that my story didn't actually contain any actual JSA characters and so was ineligible for the bad fan fiction contest, so I put the idea on the back burner for a while. By the time I got round to writing it as a proper piece of fan fiction I decided the extra characters would just confuse things.

Chapter Three

Panic - this was the name of EC's other humor comic.

"He's coming!" Plas screamed as he rushed through the streets - I was thinking of the end of the original Invasion of the Bodysnatchers movie when I wrote this.

"How do I escape." asked a short guy with a long nose and glasses - the short guy's meant to be Melvin Mole, who featured in the Mad comic's story "The Mole". He boasted that he could escape from anywhere (at the end of the story he reached an electric chair, but I'm sure he could escape from that). Melvin Mole also inspired a late 70s or early 80s Batman story by (as far as I can remember) Roy Thomas and Gene Colan.

"But Joe and Ed. They said they could escape. They said they were going back to the future." - this is a reference to Joe Friday and Ed Saturday from Mad's Dragnet parody. The going back to the future is a reference to Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' 2000AD story and EC homage of sorts "Chrono Cops", which featured two main characters who bore a striking resemblance to Joe and Ed. It's also worth mentioning here that Alan Moore's said that his attitude to superheroes was shaped in a large part by reading Mad's "Superduperman" when he was young. Also, one of his Supreme issues contains a story told in the Superduperman style.

The alien, the amazon, the bat - he dreamed of fighting alongside them in a team but doubted that day would ever come - this is a reference to Plastic Man being in the JLA these days.

The Anti-Janitor is coming - this is a pun on the original Crisis' Anti-Monitor, and also a reference to the janitor Sylvester P Smythe (Cracked magazine's equivalent of Alfred E Neuman).

Chapter Four

National Lampoons' Permanent Vacation - this is a reference to the fact that DC used to be known as National Comics (they only officially became DC Comics sometime in the 70s just after Jeanette Khan took over). However, strictly speaking Captain Marbles was a Fawcett lampoon and Plastic Sam was a Quality lampoon at the time. National Lampoon is also, needless to say, the name of another humor magazine.

The Just A Society Of America's headquarters - the name I chose for the JSA might have been inspired by the Justa Lotta Animals team that appeared in Captain Carrot and his Amazing Zoo Crew. If so it was purely subconsciously - I've only just noticed the similarity now, whilst writing these annotations.

Batboy watched silently, with aloof attachment. He wondered when his teammates would be going asleep - he was feeling thirsty - this, along with the reference to the Sun setting in Chapter 2, are because Batboy was revealed to be a vampire in "Batboy and Reuben".

The shadow swiftly got bigger, and then I had a large cube of carbon steel smashing me into the ground - Captain Marbles was left trapped in a block of carbon steel in the "Superduperman" story.

"But I'm not just an ordinary klutz." laughed the Tomato ripping his mask off. "I'm a furshlugginer Captain Klutz." - this is a reference to Captain Klutz and Red Tornado/Tomato having similar costumes. It's also a reference to people ripping off masks a lot in Mad comic stories. It's also a paraphrase of Batboy's line "I'm not just an ordinary Batboy. I'm a furshlugginer vampire Batboy." from "Batboy and Reuben". Shameless Plug Department: Batboy's line was also the basis for my first piece of fan fiction "The History Lesson" - Buffy's no ordinary slayer, she's a furshlugginer vampire slayer.

Chapter Five

Not Brand EC - a reference to Marvel's humor comic "Not Branch Ecch!". Also a reference to the fact that Mad Magazine, unlike Mad comic, didn't carry the EC brand on the cover. I originally intended "Not Brand EC" to be the title of the whole story, but I was afraid it gave too much away.

"Very well, but don't think this means that you'll get to join our Society" - this is a reference to the fact that Captain Marvel joined the JSA fairly recently.

I got up, straightened my tie, and spat out a tooth that the joint blow had dislodged - this is a reference to Alfred E Neuman's missing tooth.

"What? Me worry?" I said smiling - this is, as I've said many times already, Alfred E Neuman's catchphrase.

"Surely this can't be the future." she exclaimed and then disappeared - this, and the sentences leading up to it, are an incredibly unsubtle allusion (I don't exactly know what that word means, but I was getting bored typing "reference" each time) to the next major comics company coming along (Marvel) and the Fantastic Four (the stretching man, the invisible girl, the flying man on fire, and the brick guy).

THE END


End file.
